i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
