So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize