I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
