Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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