I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Randomize