Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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