I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Walk of Shame today included voting.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
