I just saw a hot homeless man
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
