I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I was not drunk enough for that final.
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