I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
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