I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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