Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
