It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
