so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
