Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
