he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
