Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Randomize
