I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Randomize