Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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