Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
