Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
