So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
thus making me awesome and them whores
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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