We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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