you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
