idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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