Everything about him screamed your future.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
