i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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