I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Randomize
