matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize