His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
