He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
So many bounce houses so little time
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
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