I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
The adults are the big ones right?
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
