I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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