White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
