hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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