Jerry, you need to find god
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
