I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
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