I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I don't want my vagina anymore.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
