i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
So apparently I’m into choking now
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
