We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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