Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Randomize
