Jerry, you need to find god
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
