He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
