My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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