Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize