I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
