i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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