the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize