i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
you had me at cake vodka
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
