Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
