Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
my vag is so smooth its legendary
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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