those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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