Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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