I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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