do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
