69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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