so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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