i always forget guys have bellybuttons
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
