wakey wakey hands off snakey
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
