Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Randomize
