Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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